I guess starting off by introducing myself would be helpful. So you, Internet, have an idea of who I am.

I'm 40. It's not that bad. 40. Really. I actually think it's my favorite age so far. I know who I am. At least I think I do. Ha! I could do without the sag here and there. The dark circles that make an appearance under my eyes every day. The outcropping of gray, wiry hair that  I'm trying to figure out how to style and if to keep. But, overall, it's not half bad.

I have a couple of kids. They qualify as "young children". One's in pre-school and the other is in 1st grade. They fill my days, my nights, my weekends and every other waking and non-waking moment. I wouldn't trade them for the world, well, maybe for a two day weekend, all expense paid trip to some exotic beach front hotel room where I would have uninterrupted rest, meals that I could eat while warm and the sound something other than a whine or the dreaded call, "mama, I'm done!". Do you know that call? Anyone? That's the call for me to come and wipe their bottom as they sit and go poop on the toilet. Sigh. No one really explained what the "whole package" was about when having kids. Or maybe they did and I just didn't listen.

So, I'm sitting in our office the other night with my husband. He's at his desk and I'm at mine. We're in a pretty small room but have managed to figure out how to make the space work. One way was to put shelves up on either side of the window. My side and his. How sweet right? Well, I've been feeling a huge need to purge these days. There's just SO MUCH STUFF. Everywhere I turn, more stuff. In feeling the need to purge, the office is a definite place to start. I have a small business that I run from home and have "things" that I need for the business. Those "things" have made their way on the desk, under the desk, in the filing cabinet, on top of the filing cabinet and on the shelves. My shelves. So, we're sitting there, talking, about the need to purge and re-organize and I swivel around to look at my shelves.

That's when it hit me. Like a ton of bricks. I looked at my shelves and couldn't believe my eyes. I turned to M and said, "Take a look at my shelves. Do you see how cluttered and crazy it looks? Filled with old projects I've started and never finished, projects I want to do sometime in the future. Books that I like and books that I need and sample books from my business. Baby books that haven't been finished, photographs that need to be scanned. It's FULL of me! That's my brain. That's me. Really, truly and as much as I hate to admit it. Those shelves are a complete outward manifestation of who I am." Then I turned to him and with a sad, pathetic voice asked, "Don't you feel sorry for me?" I mean, come on, who would want to feel that way??!!

Then, and this is the part that made us both laugh out loud, I looked over at HIS shelves. There they were, so much neater and more organized than mine. The top shelf had his "cool" bottles of tequila and one of his photographs framed in a cool frame. Second shelf, his music and a stack of papers and photographs. Oh wait, the stack, that unorganized stack of papers on his shelf, right, that's MINE! UGH. I've even leaked my disorganization on to him! But, the cool thing we realized was that everything important, o.k. the tequila isn't really that important but the bottles do look cool, was represented on his shelves. His photography, his music, photographs of his boys and me. Me in the way of a disorganized stack of papers, but, none the less me.

So, there you have it. I think that's a pretty good summation of who I am, at least in a visual, non-descript sort of way. I'll be back, when, I'm not sure. Probably when the boys are asleep or on a play-date like they are now. Until then, I'll be trying to clear off those shelves and purge the stuff that I truly don't need.

Wish me luck!